Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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