I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
