i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
