don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
