i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
