He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Shame - the story of my life.
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