Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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