I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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