Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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