Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
