She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
