last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
