The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
