Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
