do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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