Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
