I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
