3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When did angry sex become our thing?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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