i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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