that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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