I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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