Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
smell my finger.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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