In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
