Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this beer tastes like vomit already
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
