Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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