listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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