Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
