You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
