So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
