i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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