Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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