Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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