Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
