Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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