My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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