Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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