Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
