just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
