Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
