I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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