Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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