Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
