my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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