I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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