When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
