Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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