My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
