I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
