ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
