and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
