i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
