Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
