I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
