Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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