I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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