K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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