you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
