wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
