some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
