I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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