walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
